In my previous post, I hinted at… well… not really hinted… more blatantly announced I am shifting my art towards new things. I thought I would expand on what this is all about, on the off chance someone else might be experiencing similar things. (By the way, I love comments, and love when discussions follow from something I have shared… *winkwinknudgenudge*.)
I’m getting old. Plain and simple. It sucks. Yeah, I know, one is supposed to go down that path gracefully and with wisdom. Honestly, I am trying. It just isn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped…
First, I have to admit something to those who don’t know. I don’t talk about it much, except to students. I am disabled. I have Fibromyalgia. I’ve had it for years, and over time have learned how to adapt, mostly. Giving myself permission to do art was a cathartic, healing process for me. And creating art can be a cathartic process, too, if one gives into it. (But, that is another post.)
In the beginning, when I was first diagnosed, I wasn’t able to do much of anything but try and take care of myself. Playing with “stuff”, making “stuff” was just a way to keep my creative, ADD riddled brain from imploding. It helped.
As I found more balance in my life, and health, I got better at what I was doing. Life was good, if still a balancing act.
Now, I have started to develop arthritis in my hands, along with other, challenging (but so far, not life threatening) health issues. These new players, of course, love to mess with Fibromyalgia, so a real party has developed in my body. At first (once again), I couldn’t do much of anything creative. Depression set in, and suffice to say, one day last year, I found myself weeping in the docs office, afraid this was the end of my ability to create. I couldn’t sand, I couldn’t reduce canes, some days I couldn’t even hold a cup of coffee without intense pain. (Still happens, but I have learned to stop, and do something else, before it gets worse. Even if it means just taking a nap.)
I’m still dealing with these issues, and it is a bit of a slog. But, being the growth junkie that I am, like a naked blind mole rat, I am seeking out other ways to appease this need to create. And… slowly, un-gracefully, I am finding things. It is taking a huge leap of faith and trust that whatever I do, if it feeds my soul, it will be ok. I will be ok. We shall see.
Oh, and… There will be photos in these posts… as soon as I figure out how to add them in this new platform. Thanks for your patience.